December 2009
177 posts
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“i wish i could be perfectly free”
– venus, “beautiful days”
ne rien ressentir, ça fait du bien
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holy shit fuck
i’m hungry
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“When shall I be free? When I shall cease to be.”
– Shpongle, “When Shall I Be Free”
to do today
make quiche
make popcorn
go the fuck outside
do some exercise and shit
read
shower
fucking hell
quit thinking that you and i are alike or that our situations are comparable.
the reason i’m with you is because you are nothing at all like me.
Existential Crisis →
and here i was, thinking that i made that term up.
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“La Nouba”, from Cirque du...
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“So, you take, let us assume, third toke, long and slow. You vaporize. And you...”
– Shpongle, “A New Way to Say Hooray”
i guess i'm going to grow the fuck up.
my head hurts.
deleted more people from my “friends” on facebook. down to 36 now.
here’s the breakdown of those people:
3 family members
1 person i am using
3 friends of my brother
3 roommates/people i lived with
3 previous teachers
3 people from high school
1 boyfriend
2 people i met on campus
1 ex
16 people who are “friends” or i’m keeping them around for no...
damn it.
Every time I start to feel hopeful about something, something assfucks that hope, and hope fucking disappears.
I am so damned tired. Of everything. I am tired of being anxious and fucked up inside my head, tired of hiding, tired of fighting with myself, tired of being obsessive, tired of being compulsive, tired of being rejected, tired of having a shit immune system, a shit body, a shit soul....
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also,
this is the best my mood has been in quite some time. i think.
despite my fuckhead friends, my headache that i’ve had for four days now, and the fact that i’m cold.
today (because i know that there are loads of...
it’s been snowing all day. all the snow that melted because of the rain on Christmas morning is coming back.
rediscovered Royksopp. i’d upload a song but the one that i want to upload is too big. i guess all that awesomeness can’t be contained to only 10 MB
fuck yeah chocolate truffles.
list of tv shows that i can bear to watch:
how i met your mother
dexter
regenesis
...
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love song
whenever i’m alone with you, you make me feel like i am home again whenever i’m alone with you, you make me feel like i am whole again whenever i’m alone with you, you make me feel like i am young again whenever i’m alone with you, you make me feel like i am fun again however far away, i will always love you however long i stay, i will always love you whatever words i say,...
to my shitbag ex-friend, Guillaume
from the start, nothing was right. i was looking for a relationship, you were looking to talk to Japanese girls. but we got over that, after a few weeks of, um, “heated” discussion.
and now, a little under two years later, you’re out of my fucking life. and i don’t know how i feel about that. a part of me is happy, so happy. because now i don’t have to get pissed at...
number of friends is down to three or four.
awesome.
previous experience tells me that most guys would be beyond pleased if their girlfriend suggested doing shit on webcam.
so what the hell is wrong with my guy
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“you’ve been the only thing that’s right in all i’ve done”
– snow patrol, “run”
last year at this time,
i was waiting for my asshole boyfriend to get back from Martinique. i was struggling with guilt from cheating on him.
this year, i’ve got the perfect man that no-one in my family really knows about except me, and as much as i don’t want my family to be around him, all i want is for him to be here.
there are too many gift-giving holidays.
Christmas. Valentine’s Day. Easter (for some people). birthdays. anniversaries.
but hell, i want to spend them all with you.
it is 9:22 AM on December 24, 2009,
and i have the fucking hiccups.
hi
spiro-pun:
hi yourself :)
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“I mean, we are like caterpillars,...
“What was Sufi meditation? What was God? What was salvation if, that is, the...”
– Paulo Coelho, “Veronika Decides to Die”
nothing is pure anymore.
pouahahaha
i was on my bed, looking out the window at the falling snow. saw a squirrel in a tree in the woods behind our house. saw said squirrel try to jump to another tree. saw said squirrel almost fall 20-30 feet to the ground.
why is that so funny to me
you waste twenty years, and end up alone, demented
there is a part of me that wants so badly to be alone for the rest of my life. to be single, maybe date, but no serious relationships. just be alone, since that seems to be what i’m terribly good at.
it’s snowing. has been since at least 6 AM. so much snow.
i can’t sleep. and i haven’t really had any caffeine, so there’s no good reason to not be able to sleep. i...
lawl.
i remember when my tumblarity was up in the high 80s. now it’s back down to 7.
seen on an orange juice carton: "why does orange...
my answer: because it’s fucking made from fucking oranges, that’s why.
i had nice dreams last night.
and now i wish i were back at university, with a good internet connection. and i wish my computer would quit making that buzzing noise. i also wish i hadn’t punched my computer.
also, if my friends could quit being total shitbags, that’d be great too.
life is simple (a poem by me)
life is simple.
eat sleep breathe piss shitdefecate fuckcopulate
but everything is much less complicated when you and i are naked on a bed.
9 hours later,
still snowing.
why am i not pleased
do you want to become invisible? do you want to...
i’m already invisible.
i want to disappear. forever.
it's snowing.
i wish i’d brought my camera with me.
in comparing the list of symptoms of avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety disorder, i think i’m much more likely to have avoidant personality disorder than social anxiety disorder, though 20-40% of people with social anxiety disorder have avoidant personality disorder, and up to 56% of people with obsessive-compulsive disorder have...
“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
– Ernest Hemingway
Drowning Swimmer's Dream
Who art thou?, asked the guardian of the night. From crystal purity I come, was my reply, And great my thirst, Persephone. Yet heeding thy decree, I take to flight, And turn, and turn again, forever right. I spurn the pallid cypress tree, Seek no refreshment at its sylvan spring, But hasten on towards the rustling river- Of Namozine, wherein I drink to sweet satiety. And there, dipping my...
“What you were just saying is merely ornamental. Therefore it’s useless,...”
– Gustav Klimt, “Klimt”
i don’t think i like butter anymore.
why the fuck does he always think it’s about him
i wish for once he’d just get mad as hell at me
i woke ready to apologize to him, then he went and pissed me off again
in a span of less than 24 hours, i have punched:
- the refrigerator
- my dog
- my computer
being at my parents’ house is not good for me.
i’m wondering...
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“i want you to notice what you’ve been missing. i want you to feel that,...”
– innerpartysystem, “obsession”
3:11 AM
going to bed for the night. my eyes hurt. i’m hungry and cold. going back to my parents’ later today. laundry, cleaning, and packing this afternoon.
feeling fucked up inside. i wish i could talk to Paul again. he’s good to talk to.
you know i love you, but you're gonna be the death...
well,
this is a first. all nineteen of my contacts are offline on msn.
what the hell am i thinking
why am i thinking about breaking up with him.
he is all i have.
