i dreamed Skyrim was a platform game.
Anonymous asked: What would you do if you had two butts? One right next to the other. And you pooped out of both simultaneously.
really, mom? cooking dinner takes almost two hours...
when i lived with you, everything was frozen dinners and stuff. i feel cheated.
meds didn't do shit for me today.
going out for a smoke and then going to bed.
hello, fellow tumblrers.
i am currently sober. and will probably stay that way for a long time.
i just drank a little over half a liter of wine.
me: fuck why do i do this to myselfy
me being drunk consists of me making weird faces...
yes, i had to retype that sentence at least five times to get it right
DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS TO TALK TO YOUR...
IT’S REALLY FUCKING HARD.
DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS TO EAT CAKE...
IT’S REALLY FUCKING HARD.
should i have another glass of wine?
me: my mom just got online
me: i'm half drunk
me: not a good combination
I FUCKING LOVE ROSÉ
just thought everyone needed to know that. probably shouldn’t be drinking while on cold medication and antidepressants, but fuck it!
and then this company i work for is so unscrupulous, i’m surprised we...– Ben, talking about his job
me: i just saw a thing that said sometimes baby sloths fall to their death because they mistake their own arm for branches
me: and my first thought was not "aww that's so sad"
me: it was "hahaha fucking dumbasses"
fucking side effects.
i feel like i’m dying.
starting my meds again tomorrow.
bored on the internetz.
i'm probably not a very good friend.
L: That's cool. I'm away again. The guy we've been waiting for to arrive has finally done so. So I'm outside helping him out. So I'll be back in another probably longer while.
me: FUCKING HELL, LUKE
me: STOP HELPING PEOPLE
me: STOP BEING NICE
L: SHUT UP!
me: NO YOU
L: NO YOU!
goddammit, we could have fucked some shit up, v!– C whyyy weren’t we friends in high school xD
totally had a dream where i asked Prince Albert of...
he looked at me like this and then said “No.” then gave me money to go buy ingredients to make cookies.
guilty as charged.
Laute - eating food that is too luxurious, exotic, or costly Nimis - eating food that is excessive in quantity Studiose - eating food that is too daintily or elaborately prepared Praepropere - eating too soon, or at an inappropriate time Ardenter - eating too eagerly.
me: have a nice day in freaking Australialand
Luke: I shall.
me: eat a kangaroo for me, mate
Luke: Oh that reminds me.
Luke: I decided that your new nationality/ethnicity
Luke: is Frenchmerican.
me: I ACCEPT
Luke: I was going to go with Frenchican
Luke: but that sounded a bit silly.
sucks that this anti-nausea medicine tastes bad...
latest episode of Bones using a song by Younger...
yes, this is what most of our conversations are...
Luke: I WAS PLAYING MODERN WARFARE 3 KILLING TERRORISTS
me: WHY ARE YOU NOT OFF SAVING SKYRIM FROM TERRORIST DRAGONS
me: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
Luke: Well I guess I'll go and save the world from terrorist dragons!
me: NO YOU HAVE TO STAY AND TALK TO ME NOW
Luke: GOSH! MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
me: TALK TO MEEEEEEEEEE