- Luke: what time of the day is it there?
- Luke: half past butt?
- me: 3:30 PM
- Luke: pretty close.
so this came up while talking with my italian buddy
- me: so this'll be two nights in a row i've had pizza for supper
- me: how close to being a real italian am i
i wish the “find friends” button on facebook actually worked.
like if i clicked it and actually made friends instead of just finding people i know/knew/potentially know.
- me: i need 900 euro
- Luke: What for?
- me: a kitty
- me: a motherfucking Russian Blue
- Luke: That's just over 1100AUD
- Luke: Why do you need a cat that costs over one thousand dollars?
- me: because they're perfect
- Luke: I bet their shit stinks just as bad as a free kitten from an animal shelter.
- me: i don't care
- Luke: Hah!
- me: hubby's shit stinks like a hobo's shit, maybe worse, but i love hubby way more than i love hobos
- Luke: Hahahahaha
- Luke: oh my gosh
- Luke: my dog is just as bad as you are
- Luke: walks into my room, farts, and then leaves.
so, most of our conversations are like this. is this weird?
- me: *rubs against ben's legs, purrs*
- Ben: -feels cat rubbing on leg and reaches down to pet-
- me: meow meow meow
shit i say to my guy friends
bro, be glad you will never know the misery of pooping while menstruating
i'm sorry; this is just so weird to me
- me: how do you say orange in italiano
- Giuliano: arancia
- me: wtf
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU BEAUTIFUL GOOFBALL!"
—
my best friend Luke!
he’s the greatest!
“Yesterdays” - Switchfoot
appropriate for today.
i feel like shit; my hamster, who was barely a freaking year old, died around 4 PM. i don’t know why. yesterday, he was healthy and running around and playing like he always did. this afternoon, he was barely breathing and wouldn’t move. i held him in my hands, trying to warm him up, until he started gasping for air. he died a few minutes later.
he was a real bastard - he would poop on me whenever he was given the occasion and bite my fingers whenever i tried to play with him. he was a fucking prick, but i loved him, and he was the only friend i had who wasn’t online.
rest in peace, you little bastard. <3
RIP Sputnik
January 2011 - February 26, 2012
- me: hey do you have a middle name
- L: I sure do!
- L: Do you!?
- me: YES!
- L: Is it margaret?
- L: or samantha?
- L: gladys!
- me: no, but it starts with an m!
- L: Mary
- me: CLOSE!
- L: michelle
- L: marrie-anne
- me: nope!
- L: SHIT
- L: I give up.
- me: MARIE
- me: is your middle name ANTHONY
- L: NO
- me: FARTFACE?
- L: Starts with a D
- me: DANIEL
- me: DOUCHEFART
- L: DANIEL!
- L: YOU SMELLY BOOB GIRL!
- me: YOU SMELLY BUTTFACE!
- L: YOU SMELLY VAGINA NOSE!
- me: YOU SMELLY PENISFOOT!
- L: YOU SMELLY LABIA CHEEKS!
- me: YOU SMELLY SCROTUM MOUTH!
- L: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!
- me: neither does vagina nose or penis foot
- Ben: oh so remember the avon makeup story?
- me: yup
- Ben: so i came home the next day and wifey looked like she had pancake mix on her face
- Ben: :D
- Ben: "what's going on with your makeup"
- Ben: "it's the avon one, i don't like it i'm going to give it to my mom"
- Ben: XD
- me: hahahahahahah
- Ben: i died laughing
- Luke: I just pooped in the toilet.
- me: GFY!
- Luke: That's where you're supposed to poop. Just so you know.
- Luke: Not my bin.
- me: fuck you
- me: i will poop where i want
